Writing Their Way Back Home
by Nicole Alexandra
Summary: A journal assignment sheds light on the Roswell teens true feelings


  
  
  
Author: This is a group collaboration story by Laura, Courtney, and Nicole.  
Rating: PG..nothin really wrong.   
Disclaimer: We do not own Roswell. Of course not. Why would three teenagers own them? And if we did, I tell you, we would not be writing fan fiction. We would write what we want in the show. But the only thing we do own is our web site. And as much as we would like, we don't own Sarah McLachlan's Mirrorball. But I do know that Nicole would love to own the Beatles music… MICHAEL JACKSON DOES!  
Summary: The gang after Destiny, has to write a journal entry on their thoughts and about what's going on in their lives for an English assignment.   
Author's Notes: We started writing this before season two aired, and worked on it for a bit. Then school started and we got carried away and busy with other crusades. *cough*web site*cough* So that's why it doesn't follow season two. But we wrote all the journal entries before, we just finally wrote the ending. And we each wrote for different people. Laura wrote for Isabel, Michael, the Alex and Isabel ending, and the Michael and Maria ending. Courtney wrote for Max and Liz. Nicole wrote for Maria and Alex and the Max and Liz ending. Oh yes..and Isabel is currently going out with Alex in this fic. Keep in mind….written before season 2 started!  
  
***   
Isabel turned down the radio and plopped down onto her bed. If she was going to do this stupid assignment, then she would have to concentrate. Isabel chuckled at the thought of everyone from their old group writing a journal. Well, this would be easy for Liz. She did this kind of thing all the time. Isabel remembered how things used to be. Before Tess. Before destiny. Before everyone drifted. When her life was quasi-normal. Isabel felt extremely sad all of a sudden. She had met people who excepted her, and now things had changed. Sure, they all had this class together, but they never talked anymore. Well, she would talk to Alex, but never Liz or Maria anymore. Isabel sighed. It used to be the six of them against the World. Now it was the aliens on one side, and the humans on the other. They divided.   
  
Isabel sighed again. She wasn't concentrating. She was starting to get lost in thought over how things used to be good, and when she had a quasi-normal life. Well she had Alex now. But it still wasn't the same. She had gotten used to the idea of the six of them against the world together.   
-----------------------------   
  
Well Mrs Tarrengotti. You wanted us to write about what's going on in our lives. What? Did you want to invade our privacy? Fine, I'll do your stupid assignment but it doesn't mean I like it.   
I've changed over the year. I used to be this "Ice Princess" as people would say. I didn't like being like that. I have a hard time opening up my real self to people. But last year, I was forced to. Other people joined my group and I had to trust them. I actually liked it. For the first time in my life, other people knew my real self and they excepted it and understood it. I didn't like it at first, but then I grew to like them. They would always be there for us and would help us in any situation. No matter how weird they were.   
  
And during all this. I found a boy who actually wanted to get to know me. He didn't just see a pretty face. This was another new concept for me. He also waited for me, and understands and knows the real me too.   
  
We started to go out, but we had some tough times. It wasn't our fault. New things, ideas, situations, and people were entering our lives. Pulling us all apart. But as always, he was there for me and was understanding.   
  
When our group split, the only thing and couple that stayed together was us. Everyone else faded away. Drifted. It was a weird reality to face. It was always us all together. Then they left. But I understand why. I don't blame them. I blame those new ideas, situations, people and notions of "destiny" that entered our lives. They changed our world.   
  
But we're still together. We've become closer then ever before when our group split. We were there for each other in the summer, and now that school started. But there are still forces trying to pull us apart. And one day soon, more situations, problems and people are going to enter our lives. We survived it once. I just hope we can do it again. But I still miss our old group. Maybe when those situations come up again...maybe we'll become a group again. We need to depend on each other again, now more than ever. They are the only ones that understand. I just hope that we'll get together again. We can't go through this without them.   
  
***   
Alex Whitman crossed the room laying his worn jacket across his desk chair. It was getting late and he had an assignment to work on. He hated teachers that assigned these lame homework papers. He slowly took out some blank pieces of paper and began thinking. A day in the life of...... A day in the life of....   
  
This apparently was not getting him anywhere.   
  
He drew in a long breath and exhaled it just as long. Hmmmm? I could always just call Liz and ask her to write it for me...hahaha. That one would happen. He picked up his pen and began writing his random thoughts on paper, one line turning into two and two turning into a paragraph.   
  
-----------------------------   
A day in the Life of Alex Whitman   
My life is constantly changing. It never stay in one place. I can actually think of a quote that would describe it...."The inconstant moon who changes monthly in her circled orb." Well I never know day to day what I am going to do. I never have been one to plan out every single detail but well things have gotten ....complicated.   
  
A year ago I had imagined myself at this time with a car, a college application, two great best friends, and well thinking about normal high school stuff. I never imagined that I could hold the balance of people's lives in my so very mortal hands.   
  
That sounds corny, Alex thought...Oh well.   
  
I never imagined I would be going out with an amazing girl, who could be a supermodel, or that I would have so much power over other people's lives. Alex Whitman. It just sounds like such a plain name. I used to think you could read a person's whole life by their name...not now.   
  
When most people think of me they probably think of this high school geek, which I am, but I am also so much more. Not many people take the time to get to know the real me. But the ones who do discover I am incredibly loyal.   
  
But this paper is supposed to be about a day in my life. So lets start at the beginning. I really have little or no control over my life. I am a go with flow kind of guy. I usually wake up and take about a half and hour to get ready then leave for school. I meet a certain girl and we walk around for a while.   
  
I would say I would hang out with my old group but we have all kind of segregated ourselves, one groups against the other leaving two of us completely in the middle. Amazing how people so close could drift apart so fast.   
  
We used to be like this incredibly tight knit family. I always knew someone had my back and they always knew I had theirs regardless. It is not like that anymore. But if any one of them needed me I will always be there. But now it is kind of three against four or sometimes four against three or five against two. Most of the time I wish we could all go back to just the six of us. It was an awesome feeling, six against the world. I don't think anyone else could ever experience what our group had. Yesterday is too far gone though.   
If only..   
  
I feel like I have to choose which is impossible. I have two loyalties to protect here. But I guess that is what comes along with this kind of territory. Well now, I usually eat lunch with a certain "girl". I rarely eat with the three or the four. Too dangerous. But then I go to some classes, do some homework at home and then call a certain "girl." And that would pretty much be my average day.   
  
-----------------------------   
  
Alex thought a moment, yeah except you left out a few parts there. Maybe some FBI manhunts every once and a while and oh yeah you are protecting aliens from secret government organizations. And your two best friends who use to go out with your alien   
girlfriend's brother and best friend don't really belong to the group anymore thanks to a certain short blonde who shall remain nameless.   
  
Ok, I am being way too cynical, Alex thought, Even for me. He quickly closed the notebook. Done for the night! He went to his dresser pulling out some pajama pants and a T-shirt. He quickly stripped down to his boxers replacing his school clothes with pajamas. This was a Beatles kind of night. He went to the stereo programming it to repeat Strawberry Fields Forever and of course Yesterday. They really fit his mood right about now.   
  
He laid back against his soft comforter. This assignment had really hit home. It was impossible to sleep now.   
  
His mind wandered over everything he had put down in this assignment. A sigh escaped his body. It was all so confusing. Usually he could manage to bring humor to any situation but not this.   
***   
  
"Okay," Liz thought. "A day in the life of me? If they would have asked me a few weeks ago my life would have been exciting." She laughed at herself. "Yeah, right. Like I could have told anyone. Now my life is spent trying not to think of Max. Wake up: yawn and think of Max. Eat. Go to school: Participate in class and think about Max. Go to work: See Max and, surprisingly, think about Max. Homework. Bed: Dream about Max."   
  
Where was this getting her? She was starting to sound like a stalker. She had to face the reality of it all, though. She couldn't live one moment of her life without a thought of Max. But the assignment wasn't "Who is the one person you can't live without?" It was a "Day in the Life."   
  
She sat down at her desk and situated herself for some real thinking. This should be easy, shouldn't it? Her days weren't very complicated, well at least for now they were. She bent her head to each side and cracked her neck. Drawing in a deep breath she picked up her pen. "What to write, what to write," she said aloud. On her paper she drew a circle and in it she wrote, "My Life." From there she planned out her paper by making a topic web. Frustrated she crumpled up the paper and threw it into the wastepaper basket.   
  
This was never going to get her anywhere. She got up from her desk and went to the kitchen to get herself a glass of water. Her mother was cleaning grapes when she came in. "Something wrong?" Her mother asked.   
  
"Mrs. Tarrengotti assigned our class a term paper about the day in the life of ourselves and I haven't been able to come up with anything."   
  
"It shouldn't be that hard. Just write it as if you were talking to someone."   
  
Forgetting about the water, Liz went back into her room. Her mother's advise seemed good and she thought that she might give it a try.   
  
A Day in the Life of Me   
  
By: Liz Parker   
  
It's difficult to tell people exactly what goes on in my life, let alone one day. I mean, everyday is like a different story. But it wasn't always like this. My life used to be so predictable that I knew weeks in advance what I was going to do. Everything I did was part of my "Master Plan." Now things have gone so haywire that I can't tell what is going to happen in the next five minutes.   
  
This all happened when I met someone, let's call him Jack. Jack changed my life for the better. No matter what we encountered, no matter how hard things got, we always knew that we had each other. And that's how we lived for a while. Not knowing what could happen or the consequences. One mistake and everything could change. We both matured so much in those weeks we were together. And although sometimes it seemed like we were the only two people in the world, there were others. We six were a group, sort of like a family away from our families. We were behind each other every step of the way. But then things got complicated and that's when my life became really unpredictable.   
  
Someone, we'll call her Hanna, entered our group and changed everything for all of us. At first things went okay. Hanna didn't really bother any of us, except for him. She had this kind of affect on him and made him feel things for her that he didn't want to. They ended up kissing and I have to say it was the worst day of my life. Things never did go back to normal because Hanna was always around. She made us all feel uncomfortable for different reasons. Eventually I realized that Jack and the Hanna were meant to be together, that somehow I was holding him back from everything, from his destiny. If someone would have asked me a year ago what I thought I would be doing now, I would have said trying to become valedictorian, working at the Crashdown and looking at possible colleges. Never would I have even thought that someone would have come into my life and take heart the way that Jack did. Until I can get things back to normal, I can't really say how my days are and what I do. Nothing is normal for me anymore.   
***   
  
Max let the cool breeze flow through his brown hair. It felt good and reminded him of. Oh what the hell was he doing thinking about Liz? Just being himself. Didn't he have the right to think about her? Well, yes and no. Yes because she was still everything to him and because he still loved her. Even if she did break up with him. And no because he had a term paper to be thinking about. But still, he could think about her. It wasn't like he could write this paper while driving the Jeep. That was technically impossible for him.   
  
His thoughts still kept coming back to Liz. Why? He had to admit that she really did have a huge impact on his life.   
  
Okay Max. Aren't you supposed to be the one in control of your mind?   
He shook his head. "God, I am having conversations with myself."   
  
But how could he not think about her? Her hair, her laugh, the way she felt about him. Why did everything have to end the way it did? Why did he have to let Michael hold him back? Why didn't he just shove him off and go after her?   
  
"The point is, I didn't. I let her get away without a fight. So it was half my fault, too." Is that what he could write about? That he spends every single minute of his life pining, thinking, wanting her. Was there a way he could say that in a term paper?   
  
"A day in the life of me is horrible. It wasn't always like this, though. I used to just think about Liz when I was in class and when I was at the Crashdown, but now it's like I can't get enough of her. Even though we haven't spoken to each other in weeks, it doesn't matter. Just touching her would be wonderful, sensational, fantastic, incredible..." Okay that might work for a like a rated R class or something. Maybe a "Fantasizing About Liz Parker" class, not English class.   
  
He pulled into the driveway and collected his thoughts. It just didn't seem right going into his house thinking things about Liz.   
He walked in and smelled popcorn. Izzy must be making it. He didn't even bother to go in and beg her for some. Instead he went straight to his room and fell onto his bed. Maybe he could just sleep for a while and get his mind off of her. It helped sometimes, maybe it would today.   
  
He closed his eyes and concentrated on the darkness, trying to center all of his thoughts on sleep. Actually, he needed the sleep. He hadn't been getting much lately. It was partly Liz's fault, but even when they were going out she still consumed all of his thoughts. But those were only good thoughts in happy times. Now everything sucked and he was totally miserable.   
  
Okay, concentrating on darkness didn't seem to be the best approach of going to sleep. He tried breathing slowly and in rhythm, thinking only about how fast or slow to make himself breath. This was ridiculous. Not only was he not getting anywhere close to sleep, she just plagued his mind. How was it possible for someone to think about someone this much?   
  
"Maybe I should just call her." He sighed deeply. "That would get me real far. And why should I call her. She broke up with me." Face it Max, you're just too afraid she won't take you back.   
  
"I'll just work on my term paper." He had wasted an hour and a half thinking about crazy things, it was time for him to do something productive. Unzipping his backpack he took out a green spiral notebook and a black pen. He took off the cap of the pen with his mouth and kept it there. Somehow having something to chew on made him think better.   
  
He headed the paper   
  
A Day In the Life Of Me Max Evans   
  
And he stopped.   
  
Was there even a conceivable way of explaining his days without exposing Isabel, Michael and himself? Honestly, no.   
  
"Yes, hi I'm Max Evans and I'm an alien. I know, I know it's a really unbelievable concept, but it's the truth.   
  
You see, the reason that anyone would believe me is the fact that I saved Liz Parkers' life when she was shot. No, no. I'm not insane. I mean, she is alive isn't she?   
  
I can manipulate the molecular structure of things, and as I sort of stated before, I have the ability of saving peoples lives. But only if it is before their time. See, even aliens have limitations.   
  
So now my days are spent running from high authorities in the FBI and the government in general. Not to mention the fact that once I got captured and was sort of tested on. But thanks to my fellow aliens, oh yeah there are more of us, I was able to escape. But then we got chased some more and almost killed, but thanks to my second in command, we didn't."   
  
Oh yeah, everyone would believe that. And they wouldn't put me in the Looney bin or anything.   
  
He pushed all those thoughts out of his mind and centralized his mind on the "normal" parts of his life.   
"I'm not very good at writing stuff like this, but it is a term paper so...   
  
-----------------------------   
  
My days are unique, to say the least. It's really hard to explain what goes on. Some days I have absolute bliss and other days total agony. I don't feel that it's right to bring other people's personal life into a paper about my life that other's might read, so I will leave those out. But I will say that almost everything I do in my life has an impact on lots of others. I know it sounds farfetched, but I promise it's the truth. It's like I have more than one life on my mind. No, I don't have MPD, but it wouldn't be that hard for me to.   
  
Things weren't always this difficult. I used to be able to go about my everyday life like nothing mattered but what I did. I mean, I keep thinking that if I had done a lot of things differently what would my life be like? What if the other people in my life had made different decisions? How would all of our lives have been affected? Those questions will, hopefully, never be answered.   
  
So, I guess to put it simply, I am a normal kid with really extraordinary things that happen to him. I do normal things like each, sleep, go to school, think about girls, well one in particular. I have a great family, but they don't know everything that goes on in my mind and in my life. They don't know how sometimes I get really terrified of what the future has in store for me. But I guess that's a good thing.   
  
For now I just live my day to day life like everything is okay, like nothing scares me.   
***   
  
Maria walked into the room. Looking in the mirror was no longer a pleasing sight. The reflection that stared back at her was no longer the person she used to be. She used to be so full of life, so bubbly and even exocentric. She would give anything to be that same Maria.   
  
The Maria that could live day by day without worrying about FBI manhunts and special units or even destinies and fate. She sighed. That was all behind her now..kind of anyway. The Maria that could only care about herself and it was ok. The Maria that got to be an individual and not part of the elite seven. Not part of a cover up for the aliens that supposedly did not exist.   
  
She stared at the girl in the mirror. Definitely not the old Maria. This one had a mature look. A look of experience. A look of pain. Pain was something she was very accustomed to now. She grabbed her backpack and started to her desk.   
  
This term paper was so incredibly lame. She brought out a notebook opening it to the middle section where she had scribbled down ideas. Her job was definitely part of her daily life. Liz was, Alex was, Michael ...used to be, Max used to be, Isabel used to be. Her mom was. God I used to have a life, she thought. But of course it is not like I can write down oh yeah, I used to hang out with aliens who were being hunted by an special unit in the FBI. Oh and every now and then we'd frequent the eraser room. That'd go over great.   
  
She titled her paper and sat drawing in as much as she could. She looked at the heading.   
  
A Day in The Life of Maria Deluca   
  
The words seemed to shout at her from the paper. Think Maria, she ordered herself. This should be so easy. It is you best topic.....you. That really isn't easy anymore she realized. You are the most complicated subject you can write. Well here's a thought. The first thing   
I do in the morning is dwell on the past. I think about how I used to be happy, but then I realize where I am now and that just depresses me. The at breakfast I spend a full whole meal pining over him. Luckily I go over to Liz's and get to hear the whole destiny break up for the fiftieth time. I mean I love Liz but I can recite the whole break up in play by play format. Lunch is always the hardest because it just so happens Michael likes to eat at the Crashdown. I usually bargain Liz to take Michael's table. Okay can't put that.   
  
What else do I do? That answer was easy....nothing. I used to date but only aliens named Michael. Maria face it you have no life now. Well I did have one once upon a time before I knew about the existence of aliens. But then they began to get involve with every aspect of my life. And before I knew I was under their control and then they, well he, just left with some stupid excuse. This is really getting me nowhere, she thought.   
  
She started to scribble on the page and began to gradually write a paragraph.   
-----------------------------   
  
A day in the life of Maria Deluca include waking up at around seven. My mom will come in and wake me up. When I finally rise from the land of the dead I take a shower. After my shower I get dressed and eat breakfast then I am to pick up my practically sister Liz.   
-----------------------------   
  
She looked it over. This sounds so stupid! She quickly ripped the page from her notebook making a wad and tossing it to her waste paper basket. Somehow it managed to bounce off the rim. I wonder what Lizzie would write? she thought to herself. Lizzie would probably write some doctoral thesis statement for this.   
  
Her thoughts began to drift back to Michael. I wonder what he is writing? She knew he couldn't exactly write the truth. Maria looked at the phone, it was becoming more and more tempting. NO!! Her mind screamed. NO!!! She quickly attempted to start her paper again.   
-----------------------------   
  
My daily life begins with my morning rituals of showering eating and picking out about five million outfits before finding the perfect one. I then leave to pick up my best friend Liz.   
-----------------------------   
  
She crumpled that paper. Maria made a low grumbling noise. She was getting so frustrated. She turned to her stereo. Music could usually help her concentrate a little bit. She got her Mirrorball CD and carefully placed it in the CD player. Building a Mystery and Possession could usually clear her mind pretty well.   
-----------------------------   
  
My life. It begins when I wake up and think about who I am, where I'll be, and who I want to be. Then most of the time my thoughts begin to drift to a certain boy. He has broken my heart many of times and yet somehow each time I take him back with arms wide open.   
  
Love is a confusing thing. When I eat breakfast I think of him, when I shower I think of him, when I drive to school my mind is always on him. Even I as do my homework my mind is on him.   
  
At one time my life may have sounded adventurous and almost fantasy like. Not anymore. I realize I am in middle class suburbia surrounded by small apartments that all look the same.   
  
I look at the pictures on my vanity and see the same faces I have seen since I was a child staring back at me. My life has become routine and boring. After school I usually go to bed. And when I don't work the late shift I go home, eat dinner, and call Liz.   
-----------------------------   
  
Some life! She was realizing not for the first time but the millionths that she had no life without Michael, Max, and Isabel. They had been the controlling force in her life for the past year. But then it was over. Just like that. She picked up her pen and began to write again.   
-----------------------------   
  
My life has been a ongoing cycle of downward spiral, spiraling further and further away from what I want to be. It is almost impossible for me to let anyone in besides Lizzie and Alex. I have secrets that could destroy lives if ever told.   
  
Most days I find it amazing that I can keep my mouth shut. I have the control over people in this very powerful way. Even though I really never talk to these people anymore I still fee like I have this amazing power. It really baffles me how these people have no contact with me anymore but I can really control their lives.   
***   
  
Writing was never Michael's thing. Why would he write? Sure, he could be creative. But that was never his creative outlet. He would draw now and then if he wanted too. Michael didn't even know why he was doing this stupid assignment. If it wasn't for the courts and him being emancipated many months ago, he wouldn't be going to school or doing his work. Sure he was smart. He had his favorite book memorized didn't he? But Michael always saw himself as a screw up. Never really succeeding in anything in his life. Isabel was popular and had a good thing going for her with Alex. Max was good at school and actually knew how to treat Liz and be all romantic. But, Michael was the screw up in the "family." He was white trash.   
  
His life sucked.   
  
No one cared about him.   
  
Except maybe Maria.   
  
But even Michael wasn't sure of that anymore. Why would she care about him after all this time? They had pretty much ignored each other over the summer. And they never really talked anymore. Except work related things. But that didn't change things. He was still a screw up. After Hank left it was all on him. Michael thought about why he tried to be a screw up sometimes. Maybe he was afraid of something good happening to him.   
  
Michael stared at his blank notebook and sighed. This was not going to be easy. All he had to do was write. Write about anything he wanted. It was one of those free writing assignments to get you to understand yourself better. Basically a day in the life of Michael Guerin. What the hell was he supposed to write about? His thoughts on what was going on in his life? Well, yeah, he was supposed to, but what was he going put? `Being an alien sucks ass because you can't be with the one you love.' Yeah, that would go over well. Who knows if the teacher was going to read it out loud too. Michael didn't think she would but still.   
  
Hmm..what could he write about that wasn't dangerous? Worrying about some evil alien race? Practicing their powers at the quarry? No, those obviously wouldn't work. Man, his life was far from normal. Well how normal did he expect it to be? He was an alien after all. Michael sighed again. Ok. What would be a safe topic then? Maria. Maybe he could write about Maria. No, that could be a bad topic too. Maria was a far to dangerous topic.   
  
Michael always saw the world either black or white. In a right or a wrong answer. Things that were gray, like Maria confused the hell out of him. Michael had no clue why he started writing, but nonetheless, he did.   
-----------------------------   
  
You wanted me to write about anything. Anything on my mind at all. This is what is on my mind. There is this...girl. I can't get her out of my mind. Only I'm a royal screw up, so of coarse I messed up our relationship.   
  
I didn't know her too well before last year. I always thought that she was cute, but when my best friend started to hang out with her best friend, she entered our group. I bet she wishes she never did though. It's because of us, that we changed their lives forever. They would never have normal lives again.   
  
What? Do you think I'm going tell you? Hate to disappoint you, but just because you assign some stupid free writing assignment Mrs Tarrengotti that the whole class is going to tell you all of their secrets?   
  
But, anyways. I got to know her then. She wasn't just a pretty face or a ditz. Far from it. She has all of this energy. She's always so animated, so full of life. She speaks her mind. That's what I love about her.   
  
Of course, I'm a major screw up so of coarse I can't have a normal relationship with her. We fought all the time. I miss those fights. But, we fought in a good way. It was our way of understanding each other. She would give me these vibes. It made me think that there is some good in this town after all.   
  
We went out. I screwed it up, as expected. She just gets me so confused... We broke up. And I couldn't get her out of my head then either. She would help me out through anything whenever I needed her. And I would help her too in my own way. But she was always there for me. At times, when I had no one else. With no questions asked.   
  
We went out again. Things went weird and confusing even more so. We had problems, but they weren't our fault. Some one else entered our group and gave us all of these problems and messed it up royally. Leave it to the universe to screw things up when I finally was happy.   
  
I was afraid. Afraid I'd hurt her. Our relationship has, and never will be normal. I would hurt her. And I told her I loved her and then left. I do. But what was I supposed to do?   
  
We drifted. Our group split up, and divided. I barely talk to her anymore. Sure we talk when necessary, but never when it's not work related. I hurt her too much. But there were forces pulling us apart that no one in the group could stop. Forces from long ago, thinking that they knew what was best. Our relationship could never be normal.   
  
But I hurt her. More than I had before. How could she stand to be with me? I still love her. She's the only good thing I've ever had in my life. Leave it to me, to screw it up.   
  
I want her back. But why would she? I would just hurt her again and mess it up. But I do still love her. After all this time. Maybe she still loves me too. I mean, I still care about her. Why wouldn't she care about me? What? Do you think that I'm going to tell you who she is? No, I have to keep some secrets to myself. And now it's a new school year. Clean slate I suppose. Why can't I have one more chance with her then? It's worth a shot.   
-----------------------------   
  
Michael couldn't believe all of the things he just wrote. It was 3 pages long. His teacher would never believe it either. He didn't really write anything wrong. He was supposed to write what was on his mind and Maria is always on his mind. What else would he write about? No doubt that Maxwell would be writing about Liz. So, why couldn't he? She was the only quasi-normal thing in his life. But what he said was all true. Even the last part at the end. Michael closed his notebook and left his apartment. He was going to Maria's to tell her the truth. Maybe he'd show her his notebook.   
***   
  
Alex continued to stare at the ceiling. There was no way he'd be able to fall asleep, or wake up tomorrow for that matter. And listening to the Beatles wasn't helping either. Suddenly the phone rang. Alex looked at the clock and it was 1:25.   
  
"Couldn't sleep either huh?" Alex said into the phone.   
  
"You know me too well Alex." Isabel said while smiling. "I didn't wake you did I?"   
  
"No…no…not at all. Don't worry 'bout it. And honestly, I doubt any of them are sleeping either." Isabel didn't have to ask who them was.   
  
The others…   
  
"Actually, I wonder if I'm going to get a call from Maria or Liz soon too."   
  
"Oh, so I'm not the only girl who calls you this late at night?"   
  
"You know me. I'm quite the ladies man." Alex and Isabel laughed a little.   
  
"Don't you hate it?" she said seriously. "How they keep putting us in the middle?"   
  
"Yeah." There was a beat. "It really sucks for us doesn't it?"   
  
"I'll say. I finally get close to girls my age. And I mean really close. They know the real me Alex. And I can't go near them because of all this Destiny crap and because of-"   
  
"Max and Michael." He said understandingly.   
  
"Yeah." Isabel said sadly. "It's like everyone's changed, you know?"   
  
"I know. We used to depend on each other for anything. Nothing could stop us and then-"   
  
"Tess showed up." She finished for him. "But…she's not all that bad anymore."   
  
"No, not anymore. But I swear, we used to think she was the devil incarnate or something." Isabel laughed a little.   
  
"But what she did do was screw things up royally."   
  
"I'm sorry Isabel. I know how much you want things to be the way they used to be."   
  
"It's not your fault. And besides, we wouldn't be together then."   
  
"That's right. So see, some good came out of this God forsaken mess."   
  
"I used to think about this all the time, you know. But now…it's just really hitting me home again after all those journals."   
  
"It brought it all back."   
  
"Exactly."   
  
"I bet you, we aren't the only ones loosing sleep on this. Those journals brought it back for everyone else too."   
  
"Do you think they'll…realize what we've come to realize?"   
  
"That we'd all be best together again?"   
  
"Yeah, I hope so."   
  
"Me too. Hope, is all that we have left."   
***   
  
Long after Liz had finished writing the last word of her paper rang out in her head...anymore..... It wasn't even really about being normal it was more about Max. We used to be in love.. we used to talk and see each other and smile and kiss...but not anymore. All anymore meant was not now.   
  
Anymore might not even be a part of this equation if I wouldn't have.... she stopped. She couldn't keep doing this. She couldn't stop thinking about what could've been. What was done was done and she had no way of taking that back.....or did she?   
  
It was almost as if one of those cartoon light bulbs had lit up above her head. There was still time to make things right. Screw destiny...Max had once said he controlled his destiny it should still stand. Screw destinies....people made there own. There was Hercules, granted he was a fictitious myth, but he chose the girl over fulfilling his destiny as a god. Max still had options.   
  
Liz jumped up grabbing her coat and running out the door. "I'll be back in a while." She called to her parents as she flew down the flight of stair and out the back of the Crashdown. It had taken her only seven minutes to run to Max's. She looked at her watch. It was only 9:30 he should still be up. She looked at his front door. She really didn't want to risk meeting up with Isabel or his mom so instead she rounded the yard going directly to his window.   
  
She peered in. The light was dim and it seemed he was watching a television program. Good, she thought. She wrapped lightly on the window. She waited a few moments wondering whether he heard or not. Obviously not since he hadn't moved. She again knocked only a little harder this time.   
  
She saw him jump as his eyes darted from his door to the window she stood behind. He quickly came over to unlock it. "Liz? What are you doing here?" He sounded surprised. Of course he was surprised. She basically tore his heart out.   
  
"Max.....I just..just..." Liz was at a loss for words. She searched frantically for the right thing to say. Gripping every word that might fit. "I just wanted to see you." She finally let the words flow out.   
  
Max stood expressionless for a few moments. "Liz, I...I" He stopped. "You should leave." He watched as Liz stepped back with tears welling up in her eyes. She turned and stumbled out the window. Her steps were slow and shaky but the she picked up speed and went into a full sprint. Leaving Max, leaving love, leaving herself.   
  
She hadn't exactly felt up to explaining her tear streaked face so she had come home through her window. She lay sprawled out across her bed weeping into her soft comforter. Max had rejected her. But didn't she deserve it? Hadn't she done the same thing to him? Didn't she tear his heart out? Now she was being punished. Punished for loving Max. Punished for trying to do what was best for Max.   
  
Max stood below Liz's balcony. Why did I have to be so stupid? He scolded himself. Why? That moment was the moment you had been waiting for....pining for...lusting for all summer and you...you ruined it. It was his turn to make things right. He slowly reached for the rung just above his head as he firmly planted his foot on the bottom one.   
  
When he finally arrived at the edge of her balcony he took one shaky step after another to her window. He took a deep inhale and tapped it. His heart felt as though it might beat through his rib cage. He watched as she stood slowly. She used the back of her hand to wipe her tear streaked cheeks.   
  
She slid the window up and stepped out. Max took a tiny step forward and cupped Liz's face in his hands. He gazed into her warm brown eyes and was lost in her. He as lost in her fragrance and her soft skin. Her dazzling sense of Lizness. He brought his lips down to meet hers. When they kissed something inside them exploded. It was a passion that was even stronger than what had existed before. If anything had ever proven "absence makes the heart grow fonder" it was this kiss. Equal parts of love and electricity surged through their veins.   
  
When Liz finally drew back she took Max's broad body into a tight embrace. "I love you Max." She said through tears. Max kissed the top of her head and held her tighter somehow knowing things were going to finally be right.   
***   
  
Maria tossed and turned in her bed. Frustrated, she kicked her sheets off of it.   
  
"Ugh! I am never going to fall asleep!" No matter how much she tried, she couldn't stop thinking about the past. The journal brought it all flooding back. How close they all used to be. Everyone in the gang. And the way things used to be between her and Michael. She let out a frustrated sigh.   
  
"Cypress oil...that's what I need. Where is it?" Maria got out of bed and started fumbling around her dresser looking for the small vial in the dark. The breeze from her window made a chill go up her spine. She shivered and rubbed her arms approaching the partly opened window. It had been raining and her floor was now all wet.   
  
"I didn't leave that open…" She whispered to herself. She turned around and pulled her blanket around herself trying to keep the cold out. Maria walked carefully toward the window again, slowly, trying not to slip on the water now on her floor from the rain. As she was closing the window, she heard the faint sound of papers blowing on the ground. Maria looked down, and in the dark, she could vaguely make out a notebook with pages flipping back and forth from the wind.   
  
She finished closing her window and picked up the tattered notebook. It was warn and looked like it had been used for a long time. It was one of those cheap notebooks that never lasts.   
  
Maria sat down on her bed and turned on her lamp, staring at the notebook in front of her. It wasn't hers. Now that she could see, Maria saw written on the black notebook:   
M.G.   
  
"No…it couldn't be…" she said to herself. She saw a post-it marking a page in the worn notebook. Maria quickly flipped to it and was quite curious as to what she would find. Written on the post-it in Michael's unique handwriting was:   
  
-Maria   
  
I meant what I said. I just could never say it to your face.   
  
As Maria read Michael's notebook, silent tears fell down her face. After all this time…he still cared about her…and everyone else. Maria quickly looked around her room. "How long has this been sitting here? When did he drop this off?" Without thinking or drying her tears, she grabbed Michael's and her notebooks and quickly opened her window.   
  
"Michael! Michael are you out there?" she pleaded to no one. Frantically looking for a body or movement or anything. All she saw was the rain pouring. She crept out the window and began to look some more. Her blanket and star pajamas were all ready soaked. Maria was beginning to look like she jumped in a pool. Clutching the notebooks to her chest, she ran to Michaels.   
  
Not knowing what to suspect, or what was going to happen, she ran. And ran. And ran. When she finally got there, she saw the kitchen light on through the window. She didn't think Michael actually bought a bed yet, so he must be on the couch she figured. She walked into his building and down his hall. Now staring at his door, she couldn't move. What exactly was she thinking! What was she going to say!   
  
She couldn't move. Her hand reached to knock on the door, but it froze in mid-air. How could she do this? Who was she kidding? No wonder Michael didn't come in and talk to her. Better to just leave the notebook and run. Should she do the same thing? Frustrated, Maria sighed, then quickly covered her mouth.   
  
If Michael was up, and if he was listening…he could hear her. Then her little operation wouldn't work at all. Not knowing what to do, she sat down and curled her knees up to herself. She was so cold that she was shivering. She wrapped her wet blanket around herself some more. It didn't do much good. It was soaked, just like her. Maria still couldn't figure out what she was going to say. She was chickening out. So, she opened Michael's notebook again, and started to read. Burning it into her memory. It was like poetry. She never knew Michael had it in him. He just could never say it. Before she knew it, she was crying again.   
  
But this time, she was heard.   
  
Michael had been laying on his small couch staring at the wall, watching the reflection of the rain falling off of the window. Then he heard someone breathing, but he figured it was just his imagination. But when he heard someone cry, he knew he wasn't going crazy. Carefully, and quietly, Michael got off his couch and crept towards the door. He looked through the peep hole and saw…   
  
Nothing.   
  
He turned around back to his "bed" and then he heard it again. Michael turned back to the door and slowly opened it.   
  
He saw Maria, crying, and soaked to the bone. Paranoia filled him. Was she hurt? Who hurt her? Oh no, was it something he had done?   
  
"Maria, are you ok?" she gasped, since she expected him not to come out. Maria quickly tried to dry her tears. Michael quickly pulled her off of the ground and pulled her into the apartment. "Your soaked, what were you doing out there?" he said to a shaking Maria. He took away her wet blanket and left the room for a moment.   
  
Maria stood there, near his counter of his kitchen, rubbing her arms, trying to get some warmth. "Ok, that was a really stupid idea," she decided. Maria looked around his apartment. It had been awhile since she had been in here. She took a deep breathe. It smelt like him. "Well, duh. Of coarse it does. It only is his apartment." Maria looked around some more. Some empty cereal boxes were on the counter, and Mettalica posters were on his walls. Maria smiled to herself. Then Michael came back with some gifts.   
  
"Here." He said simply, while handing her one of his shirts. "Change and I'll be right back." Michael turned around and left the room again. Maria was quite puzzled. "What does he think is going to be happening here tonight anyways?" Maria sighed and changed her shirt, and replaced it with Michaels. Oh wow. It really smelt like him. "How ditzy can you get DeLuca? It's his shirt." Michael then came back again and grabbed his blanket off the couch and wrapped it around Maria.   
  
"Here." He said simply again. "It's all I have. What were you thinking anyways?" he said while rubbing the blanket, trying to keep her warm. "You could get pneumonia or something." They both stopped and shared a look.   
  
They had avoided looking into each other's eyes the whole time. Except for now. They shared a longing look. They remembered. How could they forget? Had it really been that long since it happened? Back to the day, where they finally were beginning to understand each other. The night where he had come to her in the rain. Almost like the way things were tonight. How long had they been giving each other this intense look? This look of understanding. It felt really good to look. To really look and stare into each other's eyes.   
  
Michael finally broke their gaze and looked at the clock:   
  
3:23   
  
"Maybe…maybe you should try to get some rest." He said referring to the couch. Maria looked at him confused. "The rain is coming down way to hard and I'm not letting you walk home alone on the streets." Maria sat down on the couch and put the forgotten notebooks to the side.   
  
"Wait, where are you going to sleep then?" Michael just waved his hand toward the ground. "But it's a wooden floor. How can you sleep there?"   
  
"Believe me, I've slept in worse places." He said as he moved towards the floor. Maria looked down at him for a moment and laid down on the couch. Michael was lying on the floor right next to the couch. She was still freezing. Michael's heater must be broken or something. She pulled her blanket tighter. "Wait a minute," she realized. "This was Michael's blanket. Mine's still too wet." Maria looked down again and saw Michael tossing and turning uncomfortably on the hard floor. No matter how stubborn he may be, there was no way he could fall asleep on the ground. And he looked cold too. Maria sighed.   
  
"You know, there is something you can do to make us sleep better."   
  
"What's that?"   
  
"1. There's no way I'm going to be able to sleep with you tossing and turning. 2. There's no way you can fall asleep on the ground. 3. You are freezing, just like me, and I'm the one with the blanket. 4. It's getting awfully late so I'm sure your dead tired."   
  
"And your point is?"   
  
"That you should just give up your stubborn ways right away for once, instead of just prolonging the inevitable. There's plenty of room for us to share the couch and you know it. And besides, who has the blanket?"   
  
Yeah, he did know it. In fact, the idea popped in his mind right away.   
  
"Fine…I guess if your not gonna shut up about it." Michael sat down on the couch and laid down. Maria sat up and faced him, but didn't lie down. He looked at her confused.   
  
"I uh, thought we were going to sleep."   
  
"I think we should talk first."   
  
"Talk about what?"   
  
"Boys. They were just so clueless!" Maria thought to herself.   
  
"Well, what I'm doing here." Michael never liked talking much. And especially about certain issues and things that were special to him. Things like Maria. He always had a hard time communicating. He was at least going to try.   
  
"What happened? You were crying…" he said as he was sitting up. Maria picked up his notebook up from the side.   
  
"This was why." Michael started to look down ashamed. Paranoia overflowed him. "Oh no. What did I do? She doesn't love me anymore. That's why she was crying. I hurt her so much that I made her cry." Maria could read him the most when he sent out his vibes. Michael, no matter how much he denied it, was always a sensitive guy. He had a hard time as a child, and he thought no one would ever love him. Maria lifted up his head with her hands.   
  
"They were tears of joy, Michael." She said with a smile. "You know, happy tears."   
  
"Happy tears?"   
  
"Yeah, as soon as I found it, I ran over. I just didn't have the guts to knock on the door." She handed him her notebook. "You can read mine if you want." He took the notebook from her. "But I should go…" She said while sitting up, walking towards the door. She started to open it when Michael panicked. He ran to the door to stop her.   
  
  
"No wait. I…I wanted you to know…that I meant everything I said. All of it." He said in front of the door staring into her eyes.   
  
"So did I…" She said softly as she returned his gaze.   
  
"I…I love you Maria."   
  
"Ditto." She said with a smile. Both remembering the night they first kissed. Before another word was said, and before she could run away, Michael gave her a kiss. A deep kiss. One of those kisses where, if she didn't believe he loved her before, she sure as hell would now.   
  
How long had it been? How could he not survive without this? He deepened the kiss and turned it into an intense kiss that said "I can't live without you" as he wrapped his arms around the woman he loved. Michael never wanted her to go again. So he held onto her even tighter.   
  
When they broke their kiss, they gazed up at each other with smiles on their faces.   
  
"Don't go." He said simply.   
  
"Hmm…I don't know." Maria said teasingly. "This apartment of yours sure is cold…and you have to remember, my pants are still all wet. You only gave me a new shirt."   
  
"I can keep you warm." He said while taking her hand, pulling her toward the couch.   
  
"Hmm…can you? We'll just have to try that out and see if you can…" They laid on the couch on their sides, snuggling under the blanket, trying to keep warm. Both exhausted, since it was now 4:05 in the morning, they tried to fall asleep. Michael wrapped his arms around Maria. She never felt so good in all her life.   
  
"I don't ever want to leave your arms again."   
  
"I don't ever want you to leave my apartment." Maria laughed softly.   
  
"We'll just have to see about that won't we? So much for going to school." Michael kissed the top of her head.   
  
"Ok, time for bed. You talk to much. Goodnight."   
  
"Goodnight." They fell asleep tangled into each others arms. They finally found their way back home, and they never wanted to leave it again.   
  
The End   
  



End file.
